By: Sharock P.
Is it Wrong to Fight For Your Man or Woman?
Some Women say yes, while others say hell no, but isn't that what most women do anyway? If you have a man and you monitor his whereabouts, aren't you fighting to keep him? You are trying to make sure that he doesn't get distracted or tempted by outside resources.
We as Women joke around when we say that women do not want a man until he is with another woman and that is true. Most of the time the belief is that another woman would not keep a worthless man. If a man is with another woman the horn begins to toot, because this man must have a job, be a good provider and must be great in bed; because why else would another woman want or keep him?
When you usually see a man that is handsome, working and single, the warning lights begin blinking off and on, something is wrong with this dude. He probably is a player, he cannot commit and he is basically a dog.
So when we as women ask ourselves why these women keep messing with our man, we know the reason.
Now should women be upset with the Man or the Woman? We should be upset with both of them, because most women know that a man has another woman even if he doesn't admit it. Especially when you cannot reach him during certain times (other than work), he does not spend the holidays with you, he doesn't stay over, you cannot come to his apartment, he always wants to hook up at the hotel or motel, he rushes you off of the phone, he never says love you back on the phone and other obvious signs. We as women tend to ignore the burning sensation in our bellies and the thoughts flowing through our minds.
First of all we think that our stuff is gold and after you put that loving on him, he would not cheat on you because he was full. Second he loves you too much and would never even think of another woman, because what the two of you have is so special.
Ladies Men have been breaking hearts for centuries and our century is no different. Women are finding it harder and harder to trust their men or keep their men, especially with all of these lonely temptress women out there. Women tend to have no regards for marriage and other women in relationships. We are upset with the other woman for sharing our man without our permission, and then we are upset with the man for not standing strong and holding his marriage or relationship as being sacred.
Now if a man is tempted by another woman and he takes her up on her offer, do you take the man back? Can a man that cheats ever be trusted again, or do you just accept his moment of weakness and put handcuffs on your man and continue to monitor his whereabouts? Can you live a happy life if you are always worried about where and with whom your man is with? Do you ignore the cheating to say you have a man and at least he comes home to you and gives you the paycheck. What is right and what is wrong? If you give up on your man and he goes to the other woman, are you upset with him, when you threw him out?
I have a good friend that was cheating on his wife for years, but when he starting observing changes in her behavior, he realized that she might be cheating on him and he was devastated. He realized how much he loved her and wanted to make things right. She had been telling him for years that things were not right, but when he realized that she was desirable to someone else, he got his act together and now they are the happiest couple. He had to face the chance that he could lose his woman and then he cleaned up his act. Is that what it takes to make a marriage work? Why do we behave so reckless in our relationships? Why can't two people that commit there love to one another stay true and faithful? How come some Men stay faithful and others don't?
In the words of one Brain Surgeon (jokingly), I cannot eat at McDonald's everyday, once in awhile I want to try Burger King! If a couple spiced up their relationship, can they view it as a different menu or great buffet? If we kept our relationships fresh and new could we keep our partners happy? Shouldn't that be one of our options?
Also, do know that sometimes when a man tells you that an outfit doesn't look good on you he is lying. He doesn't want you dressed in that outfit without him? Men and their games.
If you want to keep your Man or Woman, you don't have to physically fight for them (some cases-not encouraged), but you need to fight for each other, by listening, communicating and supporting. Don't allow your ego to control your relationship, everybody is wrong once in awhile and sometimes passing on an argument can be a healthy move.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Marianne Mollman: From Condoms to the Pill, Trust, Control and Violence
As media reports celebrate advances toward new male contraceptive methods, the fact that women currently take the larger responsibility for birth control is held up as somewhat inevitable and sad. In effect, contraceptive use is now so firmly established as a woman's responsibility that data on birth control often are collected from women only. Moreover, pundits regularly question how to get a man to wear a condom -- the main existing form of male contraception, barring vasectomy -- and why men are so uninterested in something that surely pertains to them, too.
Historically, however, the responsibility for birth control has fluctuated.
The use of modern contraceptive methods started at least in part as a male project. George Bernard Shaw called rubber condoms the "greatest invention of the 19th century," and by the early 20th century the U.S. birth rate had fallen significantly, in part because of effective contraceptive use, condoms in particular.
This male control over contraception was seen by some suffrage leaders as immoral, because it made it easier for married men to cheat on their wives. Later feminists saw access to woman-controlled birth control as essential to advancing women as equals, in particular women from the workingclasses . And in time, a woman's right to decide, alone, about the timing and spacing of her pregnancies has become a key tenet of the women's rights movement, evidenced by the massive improvements in women's status since the approval of the birth control pill over 50 years ago.
Male contraception remains very much in the mix, though, and contraception decisions still are very much a matter of trust and control.
For starters, as some of the suffragettes noted, the use of contraception allows for sexual encounters with a substantially lower risk of both pregnancy and, depending on the method, sexually transmitted infections.
As a result, if a person wants to use contraception, that is sometimes seen as a sign of their desire to "cheat," or even as proof that they already have. In societies where male infidelity is seen as more "normal" than female straying, this can cause problems. In 2004 I spoke with dozens of women in the Dominican Republic who had been beaten by their male partners for daring to ask them to use condoms. Human Rights Watch research from Uganda, the Philippines, Zambia and elsewhere confirms that expectations about female fidelity and submission is a central problem in the fight against the spread of HIV/AIDS: women can't control their husbands' sexual encounters, and they fear abuse if they ask their husbands to use condoms.
Trust, control and violence are interlinked with use of contraception in other ways, too. In a news report from 2010, 20 percent of women who sought family planning care in northern California reported that their partner had sought to pressure them into having a child, including by sabotaging their contraceptive use. In my own reporting from Argentina, experts told me that a significant number of abusive men deliberately sabotage their wife's or partner's access to contraceptives as part of the control and abuse. One woman I spoke with, who had had 10 pregnancies during her 14-year abusive marriage -- including two miscarriages caused by the abuse -- told me her husband said: "I am going to fill you with children so that you can't leave my side." As a result of this relatively prevalent dynamic, many women in Argentina choose invisible contraceptive methods, such as voluntary sterilization or hormonal injections.
Also for those who have not personally experienced a physically abusive relationship, trust is often central to contraceptive choice. Even the most superficial web search reveals that many men and women are loathe to trust their partners about birth control. The truth of the matter is that unless you can see it or use it yourself, you can never be 100 percent certain that a pill has been taken or a condom is intact.
Of course, putting more contraceptive options on the table, also for men, is a social good. But as I mentally review the testimonies of the hundreds of women I have spoken to about their lack of autonomy in contraceptive use, I find women's responsibility for, and right to, birth control neither inevitable nor sad. Most of the women I speak to are still struggling for choice, and their lack of reproductive autonomy has only brought them grief.
Historically, however, the responsibility for birth control has fluctuated.
The use of modern contraceptive methods started at least in part as a male project. George Bernard Shaw called rubber condoms the "greatest invention of the 19th century," and by the early 20th century the U.S. birth rate had fallen significantly, in part because of effective contraceptive use, condoms in particular.
This male control over contraception was seen by some suffrage leaders as immoral, because it made it easier for married men to cheat on their wives. Later feminists saw access to woman-controlled birth control as essential to advancing women as equals, in particular women from the working
Male contraception remains very much in the mix, though, and contraception decisions still are very much a matter of trust and control.
For starters, as some of the suffragettes noted, the use of contraception allows for sexual encounters with a substantially lower risk of both pregnancy and, depending on the method, sexually transmitted infections.
As a result, if a person wants to use contraception, that is sometimes seen as a sign of their desire to "cheat," or even as proof that they already have. In societies where male infidelity is seen as more "normal" than female straying, this can cause problems. In 2004 I spoke with dozens of women in the Dominican Republic who had been beaten by their male partners for daring to ask them to use condoms. Human Rights Watch research from Uganda, the Philippines, Zambia and elsewhere confirms that expectations about female fidelity and submission is a central problem in the fight against the spread of HIV/AIDS: women can't control their husbands' sexual encounters, and they fear abuse if they ask their husbands to use condoms.
Trust, control and violence are interlinked with use of contraception in other ways, too. In a news report from 2010, 20 percent of women who sought family planning care in northern California reported that their partner had sought to pressure them into having a child, including by sabotaging their contraceptive use. In my own reporting from Argentina, experts told me that a significant number of abusive men deliberately sabotage their wife's or partner's access to contraceptives as part of the control and abuse. One woman I spoke with, who had had 10 pregnancies during her 14-year abusive marriage -- including two miscarriages caused by the abuse -- told me her husband said: "I am going to fill you with children so that you can't leave my side." As a result of this relatively prevalent dynamic, many women in Argentina choose invisible contraceptive methods, such as voluntary sterilization or hormonal injections.
Also for those who have not personally experienced a physically abusive relationship, trust is often central to contraceptive choice. Even the most superficial web search reveals that many men and women are loathe to trust their partners about birth control. The truth of the matter is that unless you can see it or use it yourself, you can never be 100 percent certain that a pill has been taken or a condom is intact.
Of course, putting more contraceptive options on the table, also for men, is a social good. But as I mentally review the testimonies of the hundreds of women I have spoken to about their lack of autonomy in contraceptive use, I find women's responsibility for, and right to, birth control neither inevitable nor sad. Most of the women I speak to are still struggling for choice, and their lack of reproductive autonomy has only brought them grief.
Women Stand Strong
The world has never yet seen a truly great and virtuous nation because in the degradation of woman the very fountains of life are poisoned at their source." ~ Lucretia Mott
"I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves." ~ Mary Wollstonecraft
"It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union.... Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less." ~ Susan B. Anthony
"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has asong ." ~ Maya Angelou
"But life is a battle: may we all be enabled to fight it well!" ~ Charlotte Bronte
"Rise to the occasion which is life!" ~ Virginia Euwer Wolff
"Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead." ~ Paula White
"It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you." ~ Million Dollar Baby
"Try, reach, want, and you may fall. But even if you do, you might be okay anyway. If you don't try, you save nothing, because you might as well be dead." ~ Ann Brashares (Girls in Pants) as Tibby Tomko-Rollins
"I do not wish them to have power over men, but over themselves." ~ Mary Wollstonecraft
"It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union.... Men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less." ~ Susan B. Anthony
"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a
"But life is a battle: may we all be enabled to fight it well!" ~ Charlotte Bronte
"Rise to the occasion which is life!" ~ Virginia Euwer Wolff
"Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead." ~ Paula White
"It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you." ~ Million Dollar Baby
"Try, reach, want, and you may fall. But even if you do, you might be okay anyway. If you don't try, you save nothing, because you might as well be dead." ~ Ann Brashares (Girls in Pants) as Tibby Tomko-Rollins
Women Heroes of 9/11
September 8, 2011
Women Heroes of 9/11
Of the 2,753 people who died one decade ago this September 11th, nearly 950 were women. "Watching the coverage, you might not know that women had any role as first line responders," CNN's Soledad O'Brien told PINK after interviewing women for her Beyond Bravery: The Women of 9/11 special airing this week.
Female rescuers want to set the record straight. "Women played a role in every job at ground zero. That they had to sue for the right to have a career that is so dangerous you can lose your life is remarkable," says O'Brien.
Capt. Brenda Berkman of the New York City Fire Department knew 250 of the 342 firefighters who died that day. She was among the first 42 female firefighters hired in NYC after winning a gender discrimination lawsuit. Since retiring in 2006,
Berkman now gives tours of the 9/11 Tribute Center. “I’d like to feel that history is going to be remembered accurately," she says.
Firefighter Regina Wilson says, “It felt like a warzone.” Today, fewer than 5 percent of U.S. firefighters are female. “People want to say we’re part of the brotherhood: we’re not. We’re sisters, we’re women,” she tells CNN.
NYPD Deputy Inspector Terri Tobin was beneath the twin towers on 9/11, sustaining serious injuries to her head and upper body. “All you heard was people screaming,” she says. “I grabbed someone’s hand and said ‘I’m with the NYPD, I’m not going to let go.’” Women currently make up 17 percent of the national police force. Tobin’s department lost 23 officers that day, and nearly 100 retired later due to PTSD. “I don’t think there was any task performed down there that was not performed by women,” Tobin adds.
CNN profiles these and other women heroes in Beyond Bravery: The Women of 9/11, hosted by Soledad O’Brien.
Bonus PINK Link: These women showed heroic courage on 9/11. Here’s how to find your own courage.
Comment and tell us how you feel about the coverage of women’s roles on 9/11.
By Caroline Cox
Women Heroes of 9/11
Of the 2,753 people who died one decade ago this September 11th, nearly 950 were women. "Watching the coverage, you might not know that women had any role as first line responders," CNN's Soledad O'Brien told PINK after interviewing women for her Beyond Bravery: The Women of 9/11 special airing this week. Female rescuers want to set the record straight. "Women played a role in every job at ground zero. That they had to sue for the right to have a career that is so dangerous you can lose your life is remarkable," says O'Brien.
Capt. Brenda Berkman of the New York City Fire Department knew 250 of the 342 firefighters who died that day. She was among the first 42 female firefighters hired in NYC after winning a gender discrimination lawsuit. Since retiring in 2006,
| * |  |  |  |
Berkman now gives tours of the 9/11 Tribute Center. “I’d like to feel that history is going to be remembered accurately," she says.
Firefighter Regina Wilson says, “It felt like a warzone.” Today, fewer than 5 percent of U.S. firefighters are female. “People want to say we’re part of the brotherhood: we’re not. We’re sisters, we’re women,” she tells CNN.
NYPD Deputy Inspector Terri Tobin was beneath the twin towers on 9/11, sustaining serious injuries to her head and upper body. “All you heard was people screaming,” she says. “I grabbed someone’s hand and said ‘I’m with the NYPD, I’m not going to let go.’” Women currently make up 17 percent of the national police force. Tobin’s department lost 23 officers that day, and nearly 100 retired later due to PTSD. “I don’t think there was any task performed down there that was not performed by women,” Tobin adds.
CNN profiles these and other women heroes in Beyond Bravery: The Women of 9/11, hosted by Soledad O’Brien.
Bonus PINK Link: These women showed heroic courage on 9/11. Here’s how to find your own courage.
Comment and tell us how you feel about the coverage of women’s roles on 9/11.
By Caroline Cox
"I shall not die of a cold. I shall die of having lived." Willa Cather
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
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